Distinction in unusual journalism award

Click here for professionalism: Click distinctly

Continuing on the unique Gamespot end of year report which is unusual and distinctive because it is separated from the crowd (which is what distinct means):

on FEAR

Aside from this unusual shooter's fantastic artificial intelligence and its distinctive, horror-themed premise

Neither horror themes or scary children were in any kind of media this year other than FEAR, and I must commend Gamespot for noticing this distinctive theme in FEAR. Why, I can't think of four other games off the top of my head that had a horror theme, or three movies and at least one other game with a scary child that came out this year. That whole paramilitary thing is pretty unusual, too. If only FEAR had some sort of

"slow motion" ability

(note: quotes not added)

it would be more distinct from any other media than people outside our industry can really ever deserve.

F.E.A.R. takes this highly coveted award.

Entertainment Tonight just ran a feature on how coveted Gamespot awards are, actually. Riots and murders and so forth--it's amazing anyone got out alive. And I happen to know personally that discussing who won Gamespot's 'Graphics, Technical' category is definitely water cooler conversation in the NY Times bullpen.

The killer app: cartoons for children fighting cartoons for the retarded

http://ps2.ign.com/articles/677/677906p1.html

Nothing to report here; I just think it's great that so much fuss is being made over a game where anthropomorphized animals travel to worlds of de-anthropomorphized humans. Do you want this game? Well, keep on shining, you crazy can't-relate-to-people-in-normal-ways star!

About Video Game Journalism!!!

There's something most of you don't realize about video game journalists.

It is a tough profession for us to be in.

We work long hours playing video games. Sometimes those hours are so long, we don't even get to finish the games we're reviewing. Sometimes we have to ask tough questions like "How awesome is your next game going to be?" and "Are the breast physics more advanced now than ever before?"

The people in our industry don't like to field questions like that. The people in our industry don't like to acknowledge video game reporters--the rebels on the fringe of the industry who eat just as many Cheetos and have just as much right to call it

"our"

industry as any coder working 80 hours a week on terrible games we give glowing reviews to for massive kickbacks from game publishers. We have to deal with security for Electronic Arts saying "Sir, please stop staring at the female employees or move along" and "Sir, your press badge is made of syrup and cat fur. Please leave or I'll call the police."

Did you see what I did back there? That's called HTML. You have to learn it in the field as a video game journalist.!!!

The people in our industry don't seem to realize that we walk a dangerous line--a line of not having any formal training in writing, or any training in any engineering or programming field, or often even a high school diploma.

Because we're heroes. We're Video Game Journalists.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: No more smoke blowing prostitutes!

Do you like playing with balls? I know IGN does!

Click here for professionalism: 'Mother' is the name of God on the lips of all children

Ordinarily I wouldn't report on a game worth less than $15 available only online, interesting only to a very small audience who give a damn. But I'm willing to make an exception because anything 360 related in this holiday season means ad revenue!

While pool games have never really taken the videogame world by storm, there is a small niche out there dedicated to virtual pool, gamers that enjoy their billiard action without tattooed hustlers and pesky prostitutes blowing smoke in their faces in crowded pool halls.

Which is odd, considering that most people really love pool, and the only thing keeping them out of your Slick Willie's and your Fast Eddie's and your Dave and Buster's are the tattooed hustlers and those damn chain smoking prostitutes. If I've said it once, I've said it at least twice: Cancer and AIDS don't mix.

Eight Ball, Nine Ball, Three Ball -- if there's a pool game out there, you can probably play it in Bankshot Billiards 2.

That's at least three kinds of ball! And probably there's more! Probably.

There's also a great Trick Shot mode in which you can do thinks you may have thought impossible on the felt.

I can do thinks like understand the words I'm using. That's because I have a degree in Video Game Journalism! I didn't write it on felt, though, so maybe it's not so good.

All of this would be mute if Bankshot Billiards 2 didn't have a great physics system, which it does.

XBox 360: Enhancing sound through physics! It's scienterrific!

The single-player mode could have been better if there was some personality in the game, like computer characters to play against.

XBox 360: Enhancing life through fake friends! It's sociatastic!

One last note:

7.0 Graphics
Nothing special, but nice reflections on the balls and the tables don't have beer stains on them.

Mommy, if I visit you at work it will scar me for the rest of my journalistic life. No, Mommy!

My next review: Walmart value rack featuring Nancy Drew Adventures into Mystery!

Condemned: Criminal Reviewing

Video Game Journalist here, reporting on a great example of video game journalism. This one reviews a horror thriller, and everyone enjoys a good horror thriller. Especially when the horror is being forced to opt!

Click here for professionalism: Starting Easy--Amateur Hour

To refresh you from the core gameplay, you’ll be opted to search for evidence that will help advance the storyline.

I recall a time when I was reporting on a terrorist attack in Falujah--I was an embedded journalist, and the unit I was with got captured by the terrorism. We were opted to refresh the terrorists or die trying. Long story short, we all died. Now that was journalism.

For example, if there’s a table in your way, you approach the table and press the A button when it opts for you to climb over it.

Speaking of which, have you ever opted so much you could just opt? Well, I can't count the number of times I opted. In fact, the entire unit I was embedded in opted. We opted until our opt opted out our opts. There was opt all over the opting place.

The story of Condemned is very good.

Please don't elaborate. You had me at "opt".

Contrary to popular belief, this game doesn’t have you just killing enemies such as bums and drug addicts.

This is some good reporting. I often walk into people on the street who are saying things like "Condemned: Criminal Origins? That's just another one of those bum-killing simulators!" and "Well, if you want to kill some drug addicts, Condemned is the game for you!" But there's more to it than that...

Mannequins also come to life, which is creepy in and of itself.

...There are also creepy mannequins! Dare I say it...mannequins even creepier than those you might find in, say, Mannequin 2: On the Move?!

Reviewed by: Volodnikov

Oh, opt! I guess the cold war is back on! Time to opt myself into a Soviet unit!